Friday, 16 July 2010

shoot me, in the face please. (dont actually do it - im scared of dying)

i'm such an idiot. i don't know what is actually wrong with me, but there's something not right. i fill up my time with meaningless shit, and surround myself with things that will only make me feel worse in the end, but for some reason i believe that the temporary happiness that all these things bring will outweigh the heartache at the end of it all.

secondly, i cannot be on my own. even when i'm on my own, im not on my own, i text or call, or sit on stupid fucking facebook.
i don't know what is wrong with me. i have realised now that the situation that i put myself in, is no good for me, and it's certainly not healthy. for the last 5 years i've surrounded myself with the most wonderful people; alice, dave, tom amd ben. amongst others. but for years, we've been a solid little group, a safe place. one massive big security blanket.

&now. thats all changed. i know that this is for the better and that things do have to progress and move forward, things have to be left behind, whether that be people, or routines, or lifestyles, anything. so if i understand it, why can't i just deal with it?

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